I think I need to take a new approach to this personal dilemma of mine.
I'm going to fake it until I make it.
It's been 32 years and I have yet to have some kind of 'religious experience.' Instead of waiting for one to hit me over the head, maybe I need to seek out the gods myself.
(Also, wow, I'm really 32 already?)
How does all this relate to Herne? Well, the last time I circled with a small group of people, we called on Herne and Cerridwen. Since then I have been seeing Herne mentioned in the various books I've been reading. Maybe this isn't surprising since I've been reading about Wicca specifically, but there you have it. Herne seems like as good a place to start as any.
I'm currently reading Gardner's The Meaning of Witchcraft. Gardner describes Herne as being as aspect of the Old God of the Witches, who is a god of both fertility and death:
The duel nature of the Old God will be noticed. He is the giver of fertility, both of the ground and of humans and animals; but he is also Lord of the Gates of Death.Apparently you get both for the price of one. This is comforting to me. Death is one of those things that causes me anxiety when I'm in bed at night and can't sleep. The idea of ceasing to exist is so incredibly frightening, I appreciate the concept of renewal after death.
Thou art the Opener of the Doorway of the Womb; and yet, because all things that are born must also die, that they may be renewed, therefore art thou Lord of the Gates of Death.This is a blog, not an academic paper. If you wanna know where I'm quoting shit from, then ask.